This past Saturday, the beloved live comedy sketch show Saturday Night Live was scheduled to air the 19th episode of its 48th season, featuring host Pete Davidson (a recent SNL alum, and a favorite among many fans) and musical guest Lil Uzi Vert (a rapper, singer, and songwriter). However, due to a massive Hollywood writers’ strike, the show has halted production for the time being. 

On Monday night, the Writer’s Guild of America, which represents film and television writers at Netflix, Amazon, Apple, Disney, Discovery-Warner, NBC Universal, Paramount, and Sony, went on strike, having been unable to negotiate a new contract with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers. The length and long-term effects of the strike are unknown; however, it has already saddened innumerable television viewers who are fans of shows like SNL that have been halted by the strike.

In light of the SNL writers being on strike, I thought I would offer my own take on what would have happened in the Pete Davidson SNL episode. Enjoy.

Cold Open

SNL cold opens generally have a political theme, so I thought this one could center around former President Trump and the legal cases surrounding his alleged illegal meddling in the 2020 presidential election in Georgia.

Of course, James Austin Johnson would do his classic Trump impression, going off on a patented lengthy tangent about random pop culture facts. Additionally, Trump will be surrounded by a number of secondary buffoons, making ridiculous statements about his innocence, and generally making fools of themselves.

To officially launch the show, perhaps Johnson (as Trump) could say something like, “Well, it’s Saturday—I love Saturdays. The best day. But it’s night. It’s Saturday night. And I’m alive. Somehow. Here I am. In New York. My city. So. There you have it. Live from New York. . . it’s Saturday Night!”

King Charles’ Coronation

Naturally, King Charles’ coronation provides ample fodder for SNL jokes. I predict around six or seven minutes of Mikey Day depicting a slightly racist, senile Charles, along with Chloe Fineman as a nagging Camilla. There would also definitely be a bit about Harry and Meghan, making fun of the racism and drama of the royal family. Overall, I think they could pull this off as a family sit-com scene on steroids.

Peter Pan Movie Parody

A new Peter Pan movie recently came out, which I think is easily able to be made fun of. I mean, the whole premise is ridiculous—Peter Pan never ages. It would be easy for SNL to turn this into a parodic commentary on age. Peter Pan is really a pent-up, problematic teenager who isn’t allowed to grow up, of course, played by Pete Davidson. He’s apathetic and has trouble caring about fighting Captain Hook, and keeps asking Wendy if she has any weed—he wants to try it.

Please Don’t Destroy

The Please Don’t Destroy videos usually involve the host of the episode, along with the typical cast of Ben Marshall, John Higgins, and Martin Herlihy, SNL writers. In this one, Pete Davidson invites the writers for a night out, in order to get a sense of how to write characters for him. Davidson takes them out for a weird, vaguely psychedelic night of clubbing, fitting with his unstable persona. The writers wake up in their office the next morning, surrounded by pages of deranged ideas for skits. They’re confused and delirious and hungover. Davidson walks in, totally unaffected, and tells them that he thinks last night was kind of weak, but if they’re up for something more fun, he’d go out with them again tonight!

Weekend Update

News stories could include:

       King Charles’ coronation, as told by Michael Che, making fun of his co-anchor Colin Jost, and implying he is the long-lost racist son of  King Charles.

       Various Republicans’ conservative bills in local gov., as told by Jost, laughing about the ridiculousness of Republicans’ various measures.

       Rochelle Walensky resigns, as told by Che. “She was with us all through quarantine, but now she needs to go into a quarantine to get away from us and our idiotic medical questions— ‘really, does the swab go in my nose? In my nose? That’s so gross!’”

       Subway choking, as told by Jost, provides a moment of rare seriousness, which is nevertheless important, to think about this horrible, unfortunate situation.

       Kentucky Derby this weekend, also told by Jost. Che jokingly tells the audience that the horses that have died were owned by Jost’s family.

       “Fan falls over into bullpen” in Philly, told by Che, making a basic joke about the stupidity of undoubtedly drunk fans.

Interview features:

       A mad Italian chef who put hundreds of pounds of pasta in the woods in New Jersey—Kenan Thompson, wearing a ridiculously chef costume with an Italian accent. Also some classic “New Jersey sucks” jokes.

       The sargassum (seaweed) that is stinking up Florida coasts—Sarah Sherman, dressed up as the sargassum, taking (fake) extreme offense at the fact that people can’t accept her, with all her smelliness

       The guy who ate the $125,000 banana that was a piece of art—Bowen Yang, playing a clueless, disaffected art student who just wants to eat breakfast.

Pete Davidson TV Show Skit

Davidson has his own TV show now, and this skit would make fun of if his show was supposed to be a family-friendly, kids’ show. He can’t keep in rated G, and keeps staring weirdly into the camera. Ultimately, the production team is reduced to making a show that allows Davidson to be his real, un G-rated self.

Spring Allergy Medicine Commercial

It’s spring, so a lot of people suffer from bad allergies. In this pre-recorded commercial skit, the actors who have taken the medicine (Snee, for Sneeze-free), are plagued by one of the side-effects—excessive, volatile sneezing. It’s a good bit of physical humor, with fake snot flying everywhere, and the actors’ heads bobbing ridiculously fast as they sneeze. By the end, they’re so stuffed up, they can only hold up the medicine and say “Thnee,” instead of “Snee.”

May the Fourth Skit

By the end of the show, the skits usually. . . aren’t so good. So don’t expect a ton from this point onward. Anyway, this skit would make fun of obsessive Star Wars fans going to watch a showing of a Star Wars movie on May the Fourth (Star Wars Day!). They’re all dressed up, and as they go through the theater, trying to find the right screening theater, the other movie goers stare weirdly at them, but they are determined to find the right theater, and bickering (Star-Wars themed) along the way. Eventually, they do—only to find the theater booked for a showing of Star Trek instead.

Baseball Announcers 

Starring Marcello Hernandez and another cast member as baseball radio announcers, who have extremely opinionated thoughts on what they call “the world’s most interesting sport.” They passionately critique every aspect of the game, until someone in the game hits a home run, at which point they go, “Well, okay. Someone feels like the game wasn’t INTERESTING enough already. Honestly. The runs are the most boring part. It’s so stupid.”

I hope you enjoyed my take on this past weekend’s imagined SNL episode. But I hope even more that the show is back soon, because their jokes are much better than mine! Fingers crossed the Writer’s Guild comes to an agreement soon.