It’s the last day of March as I write this. 

For me, and likely many others, the month of March as a whole was a slog– each day longer than the last, with weekends filled to the brim with various school activities. 

I remember telling myself at the beginning of the year that it wouldn’t happen. I intentionally signed up for AP Bio, Lit, and Calc AB to keep my mind sharp and make sure I had my head in the game for my final year. 

For a while, it worked. I continually put effort into all of my classes, and came to school with as fresh of a mind as I could. 

I even got to work using a planner to keep track of assignments and homework, something that I could never commit to in my prior years. 

I felt like I’d be able to get through my senior year with an apt amount of motivation, but my confidence has begun to fade, ever so slightly. 

Throughout this long and winding month of March, I feel like I’ve begun to slip, just a tiny little bit. Where I once jumped to the task of learning something new or getting some practice in, I’ve begun to approach my work with a different mindset, and this change is not something I’d anticipated or wanted in any way. 

A lot of what I do in school feels almost like an obligation now; it’s like I’m coming to school just to check off a few boxes and nothing more. 

It’s not that I’ll ever be so unmotivated that I fully stop participating and trying in class. I don’t think that I could ever let myself get to that point. 

But, at some point along the line during my senior year, classwork, homework, and everything in between have felt so trivial, and unnecessary. 

For example,  I’ve gotten through all 3 of my mock AP exams, with a very satisfactory score for each one. If I’d taken the real AP exam that day, I’d have accomplished what I needed to. The rest of the year, between the mock exam and the real one, has begun to feel like I don’t need it in some way, and my excitement about learning has definitely dwindled. 

Additionally, my full commitment to a university for the fall has given me tons and tons of thoughts about my future as a college student. 

Thinking about college, and the fact that I’ll be there within about half a year, really does make high school feel so small and trivial, as if it’s already a relic of the past. 

High school isn’t the past, though. It’s the NOW. 

What I do in high school today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my senior year DOES still matter. I do still have my 3 real AP exams to take, and losing all of my motivation now would lower my chances of success. 

Even if I’m tired, unmotivated, or simply feeling like nothing in high school matters, I’m still going to show up to school every day and try my best, and I encourage everyone in a similar boat to do the same. 

Any negative feeling about school can’t simply disappear on its own, but the act of continuing to try will definitely prevent it from getting worse.